90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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