operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
