Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
