he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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