I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
