i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Four minutes until I can fart!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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