I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
