I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
