some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
