Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
