God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
