Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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