Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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