Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
