Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
