You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
