so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
