T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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