She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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