You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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