I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
