he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
