batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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