shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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