his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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