I think im going to throw up on grandma
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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