dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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