I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
