obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
