yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
