My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
