Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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