I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What a dumb baby whore.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
