I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
