everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
