please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
