i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
