He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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