Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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