chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I smell like Dick and happiness
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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