he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
only you would photoshop your dick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm having to shit out rocks
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