Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
