she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
