I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
