turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
