New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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