Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
