I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
