Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
