Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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