Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
