Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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