I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
